Weakness
by Kajune
Summary: Lucifer hates teddy bears.


**Title** : Weakness

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the Characters of Supernatural.

 **Genre** : Humor

 **Warning** : OOCness.

 **Summary** : Lucifer hates teddy bears.

* * *

Apparently, the Devil has a weakness.

It's cuteness.

Bobby would've dragged whoever dared to tell him that into a dumpster if he hadn't witnessed the fact himself. As usual, Bobby was minding his own business - or his own _book_ \- when Lucifer came storming down the stairs looking horrified. He stopped to turn round and down came a teddy bear.

A _pink_ teddy bear.

Bobby remembers Dean buying a dozen of them out of the blue. He didn't ask why, and quietly watched as Dean carried as many as he could up the stairs. Minutes later, the Devil came down.

"Enough!"

He roared, so loud it blew Bobby's hat off. The response he got was a tiny panda. It made the Devil quiver...violently. The next thing Bobby knew, possessed Sam was out the door and at least a mile from the yard. Dean came down a while later, laughing.

It wasn't until the afternoon that Sam came back alone.

The boys explained that the Devil was so accustomed to hate and darkness that they decided to shower him with love and affection. They didn't elaborate as to how they did that and Bobby thanked the Heavens they didn't. It was enough to give Bobby a severe headache that only went away by today's morning.

Bobby is back behind his desk with the expectation that there is only a normal Sam living with him and not a totally-not-in-the-Bible version of Lucifer inside him. Dean was admittedly disturbed with all the bears he didn't need anymore. Still, Bobby knows they haven't moved them and dares not go check if the brothers have found a new use for them.

It was nice watching Sam cuddle a teddy in his youth.

It'll be too much to see him do it again as an adult.

The usual routine of Sam and Dean coming down the stairs demanding breakfast and realizing that again they need to go buy it happens. Bobby says very little as he watches the boys get ready for another early drive out. It's five minutes after the Impala is gone that Castiel appears.

With an axe.

Bobby nearly greets him, but stops himself when the rage in the angel's eyes does not remind him of the angel at all. Last time he saw such a fierce look, an archangel snapped his neck. Bobby then realizes despite his attempts to deny the possibility that Lucifer is wearing Castiel.

His brain can't find a reasonable explanation for that. Bobby sits, petrified, and honestly worried for the angel, as Lucifer marches up the stairs. He hears a string of Enochian curses and soon a decapitated head of a teddy bear rolls down the steps.

A _pink_ teddy bear.

That's when Bobby sighs.

He promised to stop such a painful ritual but upon realizing Lucifer came back to enact revenge on teddy bears, well, he can't help himself. He wonders briefly if the experience will leave Castiel traumatized, because Castiel did tell him once that he adores small animals.

Bobby compares it to liking cute animal-shaped dolls too.

More chopped off limbs of various kinds of teddy bears come tumbling down onto the floor. Bobby's most decent wish is for someone other than himself to clean the mess up. He's not going to stop Lucifer, has enough functioning brain cells not to try and get in his way again, and for that he just sits, and waits.

About ten minutes later, Bobby's got a bottle of scotch in front of him and has yet to hear anything from Lucifer since the tiny panda arrived, barely recognizable. It's after his second glass that Sam and Dean return, looking overjoyed.

Their expressions turn to shock when they see the pile of 'dead' toys.

"What the hell?"

Dean asks, and that seems to instigate the sound of footsteps creaking down the staircase. All three hunters turn toward the sound, and what appears is a still furious-looking angel. The axe is still there, tightly held in the palm of the angel's hand.

Sam takes a step back.

"Dean," The angel - no - archangel, growls. "you're...NEXT!"

Lucifer raises the axe above his head and storms at Dean, who barely gets to utter the "Lu" in "Lucifer" before he's forced to dash out the house. Sam is momentarily stunned before he looks out, and is met with the sight of Dean running for his life from what appears to be their possessed friend.

When Sam turns back to Bobby, he's expecting an answer, but Bobby just sighs and drinks his glass.

He pours a third one immediately after.

* * *

 **Owari**


End file.
